Switched-On Magazine

Hey. My name is Starbolt and, yes, I am a hippie. I"m coming right out and telling you this because you might not be able to see my long, flowing, shiny luxuriant hippie hair, mild chronic body odor and excessive wearing of denim and flowers. I've been a hippie since the late 70's and it's prevented me from aging except in small patches around my face and eyes. Deep down, I am still just some high school hippie longing to fill you in on the tricks of the trade.

Here's the overview. School can be really annoying. Let's face it. I'm not just talking about the food, man, although that can be soul-deadening all by itself. It's the whole package- the entire enchilada, as they say. IS it all bad, though? Let's add up some pros and cons, baby.

First. The Cons:

1. They sometimes treat you like a moron at school. No joke. A lot of teachers want to justify their jobs by imagining that I am dumber than I really am. I'm not. I'm not dumb. I'm just there.
2. Pointless rules all over the place. Yes, and if someone were forced to explain just one to you, they might explode.
3. The colors uniformly suck. Not a big point, but I'm an artist, man. Hire a professional to paint.
4. It's early. Really. When does class start? My plan was to be sleeping. Sorry.
5. Grades. Grades are the man keeping my brain down.
6. Etc. The rest can kind of suck, too.

Next up. The Pros

1. Girls. School can be a great place to meet the opposite sex. And they're annoyed, too, so you got that to talk about
2. Something to do between the hours of 9 and 3 in the afternoon. These aren't big party times, usually.
3. Sometimes, you learn something. I won't deny that, grasshopper. Sometimes there is stuff to be learned.
4. May keep me from working at Arby's when I'm 30 years old. That's the hope, anyway. A diploma can sometimes mean, to an employer, that you can stick with something.
5. People to talk to. You get to hang out with people your own age who might be going through some of the same stuff you are. Not bad.
6. Some teachers don't suck. I won't name names, here, but some.

So we got some pros and some cons. Once you add the food, it's all downhill, right? And all the cool people drop out right? I guess I'm here to say that this is not necessarily true and present you with: Starbolt the Hippie"s guide to truly annoying things you can do instead of dropping out.

Ok, my son. You say you want to drop out of school. You say that the cons outweigh the pros and it's time to be on the open road. You say it's time to get out there in the real world and start annoying people on your own, without the benefit of a high school education. Maybe we're looking at this the wrong way.

I remember, in my hippie youth, reading a batman comic where he is trapped, along with Robin, in a room with 100 of the worst villains ever. Robin says "Holy ______, Batman. We're trapped in here with these hoodlums...". To that batman replied, "No, old chum. They're trapped in here with us." I guess the moral of that comic is that the bad guys had forgotten that just what Batman was capable of. School administrators can forget, too. Maybe instead of thinking "I'm trapped here at school with these people." It would help the situation if we thought "No, old chum. They're trapped in here with ME."

I say if school annoys you, it makes sense to annoy back. Sometimes it's the person who sees through the nonsense whose job it is to fix it. We can't fix it if we just up and leave, though. So here are some ideas how to use your disgruntledness to your best advantage:

1. Make them follow the law
A lot of schools don't follow the letter of the law. Sometimes they don't fund girl's sports adequately or they have too many unconstitutional restrictions on free speech or their class size is illegal or they don't have the proper amount of fire extinguishers- the list goes on. There is injustice to fight on every level if you're in school. And fighting that injustice is sometimes just what you need if you're bored or annoyed or just sick and tired of it. Sometimes just checking into what your rights are can give you a whole list of things your school is failing at. Fighting for your rights has always been the hippie way- and we've always known how to annoy the man.

2. Make them explain
Beyond that, you have a right to have your teachers and administrators explain what they mean when they say and do things. You have a right to have them jump through hoops to convince you that this is exactly what they SHOULD be saying and doing. You are the customer. They are the salespeople. They can't just be selling you any old thing. It's time for you to take a look under the hood and explore. That should keep them occupied for a while.

3. Make your own changes
A famous hippie friend of mine once said about high school that he knew he either had to leave it or take over. Sometimes that's all you have, and taking over is the better answer. Run for office. If that doesn't work, make your changes organically. One of the problems in high school is that the people can sometimes be sheep. Sheep automatically look for a shepherd. If you can't deal with some of what's going on, make you own changes. Chances are if you don't like it, other people don't either. Maybe it's up to you to point those sheep in a new direction. Bad teachers hate it when students stand up for themselves. Good teachers respect it. So it's a good filter to find out who's who in the faculty diningroom.

4. Tell them when they're wrong.
If you can prove a teacher wrong about something, it can be worth staying in school sometimes. This is a big day in the life of a student. Nobody likes to be wrong, but tough break anyway, I say. If you're going to stand in front of a roomful of impressionable young minds, you better have your math right. Or history. Whatever. Extra points if you can prove a textbook wrong. That's like the holy grail of annoying your school.

5. Fight for the underdog.
It's not just teachers who make underdogs. Sometimes other students do, too, but you know they're there. The people that no one will fight for. The people the teachers dis and the students make fun of. If you want a grand old purpose that will make school fresh and exciting every day for you, fight for them. Refuse to let them fall through the cracks and be taken advantage of, ignored, picked on, etc. If you can call a teacher on their bad behavior towards a student, it's worth a few hours of sitting through their lectures. Someone has to fight for the underdog and annoy the overdogs. Maybe it's you.

6. Remember they're trapped in there with you.
At the end of the day, remember what Batman said. You're never trapped. You can really leave anytime you want. If you understand what you get from school and what you give up when you leave, your time there is really voluntary. But they are trapped in there with you. Every one of them- teachers, administrators, counselors. If you have to be on your best behavior, follow the rules, etc. maybe it's something that they have to do as well. Take the advice of this aging hippie. If you have to deal with them, make sure they remember it...