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The Adventures of Very Small Marilyn Manson.
So I'm sitting in my living room listening to some music.
Sam: I'm telling you, this is the greatest film of all time. I feel like we're on the edge of a new era of filmmaking. I?d be happy if they just shrunk every freaking band in the whole country and just made sequel after sequel until the end of time
Me: Do I know you?
Sam: I live two doors over from you in the same apartment. I see you every morning on the way to work? I was at your Bar Mitzvah? You dated my sister?
Me: Drawing a blank.
Sam: You're wearing my shirt.
Me: That could really describe a lot of people.
Sam: Eek. I think you have intimacy Issues, dude.
Me: So what movie?
Sam: Oh, right, I just came from this movie preview. They shrunk Marilyn Manson to tiny size and he fought crime as a superhero. It was totally rad.
Me: ok, so it's me with the issues?
Sam: It was cool because he jumped inside all these kids heads and made them do things. It was awesome. He made them dress all crazy and burn stuff down. It was wild.
Me: How was this fighting crime? It sounds like participating in crime.
Sam: The crime was the establishment, right? He fought against the establishment. They should totally shrink Jello Biafra. Or Jonathan Davis from Korn. He would jump inside people's tracheas and destroy them from the inside. Bam. Exploding throat syndrome.
Me: You're sort of spitting while you're talking. You might want to wipe that off.
Sam: Maybe it's true. Haven't you ever wondered about how bands can get kids to do crazy stuff with backwards lyrics and stuff like that?
Me: Do you honestly think there is any part of your brain that can understand anything when audio is completely reversed?
Sam: Sure. They're subconscious. Deep inside your brain.
Me: So if I said something backwards to you right now, you would understand it?
Sam: Part of me would
Me: Dude, I'm speaking forward right now, completely slowly and clearly and you still aren't understanding me. I think you overestimate your powers of comprehension.
Sam: What about those metal records that told kids what to do backwards?
Me: Professional Audio experts testified that it was nonsense. Professional linguists testified that it was impossible for people to understand. Professional nutcases still believed it, though.
Sam: Damn, you're cranky today.
Me: Sorry, it's the backwards orders on the new Godsmack record. They say I'm supposed to hurt you. Hand me that chisel.
Sam: I still think you?d like the movie. There's this secret science laboratory where they invent a special potion to shrink people to tiny sizes. The side effect is that it gives them these incredible powers of mental control. They totally can control people like puppets. At any rate, there's this accident and the potion pours all over the floor and drips into the basement where this band rehearses. It sinks into the guitar and when Marilyn Manson picks that guitar up to play on stage , he's so sweaty it just bleeds all over him. He starts to shrink immediately.
Me: You know Marilyn Manson doesn't play guitar on stage. He's a singer.
Sam: It's called logical suspension of disbelief, man.
Me: Couldn't they just say it seeped into the microphone? Or into Dita Von Teese?
Sam: ok, let's say it did. Let's say it seeped into Dita Von Teese and then he slow danced with her that night, gaining the incredible power to shrink and control minds.
Me: So Marilyn Manson slow-dancing is what you want to suggest as the more believable solution?
Sam: And so then he climbed into people's heads all over the world and made them do stuff.
Me: How is that a fun thing for anyone to do? Do you know what's IN people's minds? It's a mess in there. Do you really think that a guy who has wet-naps on his tour rider really wants to spend lots of time hanging out inside the bloody grotesque brains of other people?
Sam: Dude, it's squeaky clean in my brain.
Me: Tiny bit too clean in there, I say.
Sam: So Itsy bitsy Marilyn Manson then goes out and creates havoc wherever he goes. He makes all these kids gang up and do crazy things. Wherever someone is ready to listen, to hear his voice, he causes them to overturn everything and turn against everything they cared about before. The sad, the oppressed, the crazy, they hear his tiny voice and light the world on fire.
Me: You're a strange and dangerous guy. Where is this movie playing?
Sam: ok, I?ll admit this to you. The whole thing is in my head, but isn't it a great idea for a movie?
Me: Why do you think that?
Sam: Well, it's like- music has been out there- perverting people's thoughts- for years and years. First it was heavy metal. Black Metal, Thrash Metal, Death Metal, Punk, Homocore, Aggro, We have no defense against it.
Me: Of course we do. There's probably a power button somewhere. I notice that if I take the earbuds out of the Ipod, no more noise happens.
Sam: Very Funny. Are you saying you don't think that Dark music can influence people to do evil things?
Me: Actually, I don't think that music can force anyone to do much of anything. Music has been around since the beginning of time. People do things because they want to- because it seems like a good idea. No one has to listen to a musician anymore than they have to listen to anyone else. Do you think?
Sam: Well, musicians are louder.
Me: okay, I didn't mean to burst your bubble. What does Itsy Bitsy Marilyn Manson do now?
Sam: Ok, Little Bitty Marilyn Manson then crawls inside the head of the president.
Me: I like this one. What does he do then?
Sam: He makes the president drop a bomb on all of his enemies. It's sweet.
Me: See, you and I don't have the same definition of 'sweet?.
Sam: And then he makes every other band in the world get together and create a supergroup.
Me: Like Band-Aid? The ?We are the world? thing?
Sam: No, more like a supergroup for evil. Like a Lex Luthor thing.
Me: Ah. The Injustice League. I hear you.
Sam: And they take over the world, only to destroy it, in a fiery flash of light.
Me: Boom
Sam: totally. Boom. And everything is gone. Dead.
Me: And this is cool why?
Sam: It shows the power of music. It's the power of Rock and Roll, baby. Marilyn Manson.
Me: That's not the devil symbol, actually, man, I think It's the University of Texas Longhorn symbol.
Sam: Whatever. Rock on.
Me: Ok, follow me on this. What if, musicians write music so they can tell stories. And make music. And create something. What if they want to show people how they're feeling and not trying to destroy the world or make people do anything? What if Trent Reznor and Marilyn Manson and Opeth and Satyrican and KMFD and all those bands just write music they love to hear? Music that makes them feel better or makes them happy or makes them excited?
Sam: What's your point?
Me: What if music is just music? And Marilyn Manson just wants to sing and make it, not take over the world and destroy it?
Sam: What about itty bitty Marilyn Manson?
Me: Him, too, I think.
Sam: So this theory you have is that musicians are not trying to use their music to take over the minds of unsuspecting youth.
Me: Yeah. I guess that's pretty much the theory.
Sam: I?ll have to give that some thought. I have the new Tool record in the closet. I wasn't going to let it escape and do any real damage.
Me: Maybe we can put it on, just for a few minutes, just to see if we stay sane.
Sam: You are a brave man.
Sam: I'm telling you, this is the greatest film of all time. I feel like we're on the edge of a new era of filmmaking. I?d be happy if they just shrunk every freaking band in the whole country and just made sequel after sequel until the end of time
Me: Do I know you?
Sam: I live two doors over from you in the same apartment. I see you every morning on the way to work? I was at your Bar Mitzvah? You dated my sister?
Me: Drawing a blank.
Sam: You're wearing my shirt.
Me: That could really describe a lot of people.
Sam: Eek. I think you have intimacy Issues, dude.
Me: So what movie?
Sam: Oh, right, I just came from this movie preview. They shrunk Marilyn Manson to tiny size and he fought crime as a superhero. It was totally rad.
Me: ok, so it's me with the issues?
Sam: It was cool because he jumped inside all these kids heads and made them do things. It was awesome. He made them dress all crazy and burn stuff down. It was wild.
Me: How was this fighting crime? It sounds like participating in crime.
Sam: The crime was the establishment, right? He fought against the establishment. They should totally shrink Jello Biafra. Or Jonathan Davis from Korn. He would jump inside people's tracheas and destroy them from the inside. Bam. Exploding throat syndrome.
Me: You're sort of spitting while you're talking. You might want to wipe that off.
Sam: Maybe it's true. Haven't you ever wondered about how bands can get kids to do crazy stuff with backwards lyrics and stuff like that?
Me: Do you honestly think there is any part of your brain that can understand anything when audio is completely reversed?
Sam: Sure. They're subconscious. Deep inside your brain.
Me: So if I said something backwards to you right now, you would understand it?
Sam: Part of me would
Me: Dude, I'm speaking forward right now, completely slowly and clearly and you still aren't understanding me. I think you overestimate your powers of comprehension.
Sam: What about those metal records that told kids what to do backwards?
Me: Professional Audio experts testified that it was nonsense. Professional linguists testified that it was impossible for people to understand. Professional nutcases still believed it, though.
Sam: Damn, you're cranky today.
Me: Sorry, it's the backwards orders on the new Godsmack record. They say I'm supposed to hurt you. Hand me that chisel.
Sam: I still think you?d like the movie. There's this secret science laboratory where they invent a special potion to shrink people to tiny sizes. The side effect is that it gives them these incredible powers of mental control. They totally can control people like puppets. At any rate, there's this accident and the potion pours all over the floor and drips into the basement where this band rehearses. It sinks into the guitar and when Marilyn Manson picks that guitar up to play on stage , he's so sweaty it just bleeds all over him. He starts to shrink immediately.
Me: You know Marilyn Manson doesn't play guitar on stage. He's a singer.
Sam: It's called logical suspension of disbelief, man.
Me: Couldn't they just say it seeped into the microphone? Or into Dita Von Teese?
Sam: ok, let's say it did. Let's say it seeped into Dita Von Teese and then he slow danced with her that night, gaining the incredible power to shrink and control minds.
Me: So Marilyn Manson slow-dancing is what you want to suggest as the more believable solution?
Sam: And so then he climbed into people's heads all over the world and made them do stuff.
Me: How is that a fun thing for anyone to do? Do you know what's IN people's minds? It's a mess in there. Do you really think that a guy who has wet-naps on his tour rider really wants to spend lots of time hanging out inside the bloody grotesque brains of other people?
Sam: Dude, it's squeaky clean in my brain.
Me: Tiny bit too clean in there, I say.
Sam: So Itsy bitsy Marilyn Manson then goes out and creates havoc wherever he goes. He makes all these kids gang up and do crazy things. Wherever someone is ready to listen, to hear his voice, he causes them to overturn everything and turn against everything they cared about before. The sad, the oppressed, the crazy, they hear his tiny voice and light the world on fire.
Me: You're a strange and dangerous guy. Where is this movie playing?
Sam: ok, I?ll admit this to you. The whole thing is in my head, but isn't it a great idea for a movie?
Me: Why do you think that?
Sam: Well, it's like- music has been out there- perverting people's thoughts- for years and years. First it was heavy metal. Black Metal, Thrash Metal, Death Metal, Punk, Homocore, Aggro, We have no defense against it.
Me: Of course we do. There's probably a power button somewhere. I notice that if I take the earbuds out of the Ipod, no more noise happens.
Sam: Very Funny. Are you saying you don't think that Dark music can influence people to do evil things?
Me: Actually, I don't think that music can force anyone to do much of anything. Music has been around since the beginning of time. People do things because they want to- because it seems like a good idea. No one has to listen to a musician anymore than they have to listen to anyone else. Do you think?
Sam: Well, musicians are louder.
Me: okay, I didn't mean to burst your bubble. What does Itsy Bitsy Marilyn Manson do now?
Sam: Ok, Little Bitty Marilyn Manson then crawls inside the head of the president.
Me: I like this one. What does he do then?
Sam: He makes the president drop a bomb on all of his enemies. It's sweet.
Me: See, you and I don't have the same definition of 'sweet?.
Sam: And then he makes every other band in the world get together and create a supergroup.
Me: Like Band-Aid? The ?We are the world? thing?
Sam: No, more like a supergroup for evil. Like a Lex Luthor thing.
Me: Ah. The Injustice League. I hear you.
Sam: And they take over the world, only to destroy it, in a fiery flash of light.
Me: Boom
Sam: totally. Boom. And everything is gone. Dead.
Me: And this is cool why?
Sam: It shows the power of music. It's the power of Rock and Roll, baby. Marilyn Manson.
Me: That's not the devil symbol, actually, man, I think It's the University of Texas Longhorn symbol.
Sam: Whatever. Rock on.
Me: Ok, follow me on this. What if, musicians write music so they can tell stories. And make music. And create something. What if they want to show people how they're feeling and not trying to destroy the world or make people do anything? What if Trent Reznor and Marilyn Manson and Opeth and Satyrican and KMFD and all those bands just write music they love to hear? Music that makes them feel better or makes them happy or makes them excited?
Sam: What's your point?
Me: What if music is just music? And Marilyn Manson just wants to sing and make it, not take over the world and destroy it?
Sam: What about itty bitty Marilyn Manson?
Me: Him, too, I think.
Sam: So this theory you have is that musicians are not trying to use their music to take over the minds of unsuspecting youth.
Me: Yeah. I guess that's pretty much the theory.
Sam: I?ll have to give that some thought. I have the new Tool record in the closet. I wasn't going to let it escape and do any real damage.
Me: Maybe we can put it on, just for a few minutes, just to see if we stay sane.
Sam: You are a brave man.
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