Switched-On Magazine

In high school hallways and in the corners of classrooms a creature is lurking....

It is hunched over, and no one can see its face save for a few furtive glances up. It rarely speaks, except to mumble to itself. Its skin is so pale that many wonder if it has ever seen the light of day. Its eyes are bloodshot from many sleepless nights. No one says anything, but, secretly they wait for the day when the creatures will band together and storm the school...the day of the RISE OF THE CELL PHONE ADDICTS!

But, you say, "I have a cell phone myself; what can possibly be so different about these people?" Well, it is possible you are one yourself (see next section). If you are not, you are in grave peril. The disease of these cell phone addicts travels through the airwaves, out to satellites, to be broadcast all over the world. Every time you pick up your phone, you put yourself in danger. In danger of what, you say? Of becoming permanently attached to your phone! Doctors are not sure, for no known addict has ever set foot in a medical office, but it is suspected that cell phone addicts are the first true cyborgs, the skin of their hands permanently grafted to the back faces of their phones. But that is not the only effect; these addicts cease all human contact, only connecting through test messages and occasionally phone calls to their peers and relatives. With so many messages, they must be plotting something sinister.

How does one protect against the rise of the cell phone addicts? One solution is to simply encase your house in lead. The addicts will be unable to survive inside, their airwaves severed. Still, protective measures must be taken to prevent their disease when you are outside. The first step is to get rid of your phone. Burn it! Or dispose of it in an environmentally responsible manner. Whatever you do, you must eliminate the parasitic machine that threatens to make you a lumbering beast. ACT TODAY!